This May Sting a Little Bit

Wheeere Aaaaam I?

I am coming out of the deepest sleep I have ever experienced in my life...not really aware of anything...Oh yeah, I'm in the hospital.

I look around and see so many tubes coming out of my body. Neck, chest, maybe two chests, breathing, IV, a tube leading from a southern region...all coming out of my body.

I can't figure out what day we are on....seems it's now Thursday - where did Wednesday go?

Sue and others come to visit and everyone tells me I look good...I vaguely remember Gary taking my picture after the surgery - he says he has proof - and that I actually smiled!

I am now in recovery. About once an hour someone comes to take tests. I am in and out and the day passes quickly.

One of the highlights was the removal of the breathing tube. I didn't tell anyone but this was a major concern to me...maybe the most concern to me of all the concerns I could have had. Two people come in my room after a couple of hours. "Please cough" they say - the tube just literally pops out of my mouth! And I was worried about that little thing...(Sue tells me later that when she called during the night on Tuesday - Wednesday the nurses said that I was having a gag reflex issue with the tube...Sue asks what they are doing about that - they say that they simply gave me more drugs and that seems to have taken care of the issue... :))

I am eventually moved to the Fifth floor. Your progress in the hospital is judged by the floor you are assigned to. If you can just get to the Sixth floor you have a good chance to see the outside world.

I got much stronger during my time on the Fifth floor. Everyone remarked about how good I looked. On this floor they start to remove some of the tubes - A sign of progress.

While monitoring my heart, the nurses became concerned about an "irregular heartbeat". They watched me closely, tried some things. Meanwhile, I listened closely to those who had their first tubes removed. A strange mixture of relief, anxiety and quick shouts of pain came from the other, Main room. Curious.

I started to get concerned, Sue was more than concerned. The nurse just kept reassuring us that this was normal, that my heart was "quivering" and we needed more time. I also understood that I was using up Room 570 longer than I was supposed to. Let's spend another night in Room 570 - the hospital would work around that problem... :))

In the morning I awoke and felt better. It seems that during the night my heart decided to "re-program" itself into the correct sinus pattern. The human body is amazing. There was general relief and it seems that we are moving forward.

I just need to get a couple of these tubes out of me to make it to the Sixth Floor - or "heaven" it seemed to me.

The neck tube was next. Don't remember much about it - just a "freeing" feeling. No more nutrition through a straw...

Finally, the catheter from down south. I asked the practitioner if this was going to hurt. She actually told me that "it might sting a little bit"...A quick tug and the combination of unbelievable pain and back pressure swept up from the south to the north in a wave! "Sting a little bit!" I screamed out - "Sting a little bit?" I settled back in the bed to try to gather my thoughts. Remember, you are a man on a mission - the promised land - the Sixth floor.

I am assigned Room 671A...the opening by the door...coveted square footage...two roomates...one a high school math teacher from Ontario, the other a Hispanic man who couldn't hear much...not to bad considering everything. The math teacher had a bypass and valve replacement at the same time - he had been in that room for some time. He was able to walk on his own whenver he wanted - Wow!

I had the coolest nurse for two days - Mary, from Zaire. She ran a tight ship. We actually had "Quiet Time" from 2 - 4 in the afternoon. Since we weren't getting any sleep during the night and morning broke early - 4:30 AM with a "Mr. Hambly - time for your blood draw" spoken in every form of broken English known to man. Sue got busted the first afternoon when she played a clip of Lennix sent by Shannon - it had sound - the volume piercing the quiet of the room. The Math Teacher's wife actually came over to scold Sue for violating one of the most sacred of times.

Mary said that she came to this country from Zaire through the political refugee system. She continued her education over here and was thankful for all that we had to offer. She wanted to go back - but that would never happen. I was so impressed with the collection of cardiac specialists that worked the hospital - every flavor, every accent you could imagine, but all on the top of their game. The hospital only has cardiac patients - a real advantage to me...

Big steps followed...I was able to start to walk (Three times, not two around the nurses station holding on to a steel wheel device)...good progress...Heh, would you like to clean yourself up? You bet! I was starting to offend myself! The hot water felt sooo good. And everyone said that I looked really good when they visited...Even Kody got to come in and see me...Shannon forgot that I had moved to the Sixth Floor - took Kody to the old Room 570 location and they were shocked to see that Papa was an elderly, bald black man. Better find out where they moved Papa...

Things were going good. The doctor came in each morning at 9:30 AM to ask how I was doing...Great...well, it looks like you are going to be able to leave Monday...Great...

I was beginning to lose it with the hospital food. I made choices from the Diabetic/Cardiac menu provided me. The menus would be marked Saturday/Thursday...but in reality the food rotated every other day. And what food! I alternated between beef tips in gravy and chicken breast in ginger sauce...over and over again. And each meal was loaded with calories! I would eat the stuff, no appetite really, only small portions...and then face the stern look of the nurse after the blood sugar test. Why is your sugar at 280? Not only that, but they asked me to get on a scale and found that I had gained ten pounds since arriving in "the system"...

Monday comes and goes - the doctor in the turban that is between you and the door (Freedom) - pats me on the shoulder and says that Tuesday is a better day to leave. Are you kidding? I am ready to bolt! The nurse immediately starts asking me why I have an attitude change? Are you kidding? Sue calls and I say - please come right now - I can't take anymore of this!

The longest day of my life made better by my best friend who probably spent the most boring day of her life playing cards, Rummy, and whatever else she could think of to pass the time.

The best part...she brings a Subway veggie sub into the hospital for me...she knows that I will never touch the beef tips tonight - or anything past breakfast for that matter! She cleverly has the sandwich loaded with Jalepeno peppers...flavor! flavor at last! After I carefully eat my fill I lay back in the bed, contented and looking forward to life without the word beef tips.

The nurses now are amazed that my blood sugars are down around 110...wonder what caused that?

Tuesday morning and I am up like a shot after mandatory testing...EKG with the Russian woman, blood draw with the Iranian, and the highlight - the Chest XRAY with the metal thing that came out of a drawer on the cart..."Could be cold" I was warned each and every time - that drawer must be a portable refrigerator unit! I clean myself up extra special this morning - I can practically see the door out.

So! You're going home! everyone greets me...I cautiously call Sue and tell her it looks like I made it! Please come as soon as possible!

You know you are out when they remove the chest tubes. The practictioner arrives and we are ready! Secretly, during the prior night, I ask Mary what this is going to feel like. She tells me that it is going to feel like they are pulling my intestines out with a bit of my ribs attached...but it is very quick. I joke with the practitioner that she should have an operation to know what this stuff feels like and she just smiles and says that her goal is to never be a patient in the hospital...funny. She gets ready, tells me to breath in deeply on the count of three - we don't want any nasty old air to get in our chest area - and she pulls. The tubes are actually flex tube, with ribs...I can feel every rib as it passes...I feel this strange sensation of my insides being moved...the tubes are out! A feeling of shock, joy, freedom and shock!

Nothing keeping me from the door now! I have no stinking tubes!

Final paperwork...things to sign...Hey! What does it take to get one of those big red heart-shaped pillows everyone else seems to have? What are those things for? You press them to your abdomen when you have to cough or roll over...now you tell me! Up to now I had to make what seemed like a life-altering decision each time I coughed or rolled over...and these guys had relief all along? Get me the pillow!

I receive my walking papers! No driving for six weeks...shower using the anti-bacterial soap...riding in the car only in the back seat so that the air bags don't cave in my chest during the collision (Wouldn't that be ironic?)

Wheelchair comes...I'm ready!

Nice ride to freedom! I can actually smell the outdoors! Look! People walking on the street! Strange town, LA. We are in Little Thai town...three thousand restaurants - all Thai!

Home never looked so good!!!!!!